How to Solve Problems in Your Marriage
- By Jess Alexander
- Published 12/25/2011
- Relationships
- Unrated
Problems are bound to come up in your marriage from time to time and if dealt with incorrectly, they can lead to hurt and eventually divorce. Dealing with problems in a constructive manner is not as hard as it seems but you need to put aside your impulsive feelings of anger and the need to defend yourself and look at the problem objectively.
A good solution to a problem will fulfill 2 criteria:
1. It must meet most of the needs of both parties.
2. It must be good for the relationship.
A solution to a problem must be decided upon by both parties. It is important not to bully your partner into being the only one that compromises.
In order to come up with a good working solution, follow these steps:
Step #1 Pick a specific issue.
You need to focus on solving one problem at a time. Sometimes problems over lap in which case you need to break them down to their simplest form and solve that problem alone.
For example, a problem like ‘I don’t have enough time to myself’ can be broken down into all of the factors that make it difficult to have alone time. ‘I have to pick up the kids from school every day,’ ‘I work two jobs to help keep the family afloat,’ and ‘I have to cook dinner every night’ are potential smaller problems that fall under the first problem.
Deal with each of these individually as part of the bigger issue. Just remember that you have to deal with ALL of the issues that fall un
der the main issue.
Step #2 Brainstorm.
This is where you get to be creative. Both of you come up with ideas to help alleviate the problem. This is not a time to criticize each other and you have to respect each other’s thoughts and opinions. Don’t take this as an opportunity to attack your partner or undermine their suggestions. Everyone is on equal ground here and both of you have to treat each other as such regardless of what the problem is.
Step #3 Agreement and Compromise.
In this step, you are essentially coming up with a trial solution because you don’t know for sure what will work until you put it in effect. However, you should aim for the best possible solution from the start. Both parties might have to compromise and eventually both of you should agree on the best plan and implement it as soon as possible.
Step #4 Follow up on trial.
It is important to realize that things change and you can’t always predict the outcome of your solution. This is why it is necessary to follow up on the trial solution. Ask your partner how it has been working out for them; is it a good enough solution? Is there anything else that can be done to make the solution better?
You have to ensure that the solution is a working one. Check back and see if it covers the two criteria for a good solution. If your solution creates new problems, you need to revise it and possibly start over completely. Don’t be afraid to try new things, these solutions you come up with are not set in stone but do make an effort to see them through after you have both agreed to them.
A good solution to a problem will fulfill 2 criteria:
1. It must meet most of the needs of both parties.
2. It must be good for the relationship.
A solution to a problem must be decided upon by both parties. It is important not to bully your partner into being the only one that compromises.
In order to come up with a good working solution, follow these steps:
Step #1 Pick a specific issue.
You need to focus on solving one problem at a time. Sometimes problems over lap in which case you need to break them down to their simplest form and solve that problem alone.
For example, a problem like ‘I don’t have enough time to myself’ can be broken down into all of the factors that make it difficult to have alone time. ‘I have to pick up the kids from school every day,’ ‘I work two jobs to help keep the family afloat,’ and ‘I have to cook dinner every night’ are potential smaller problems that fall under the first problem.
Deal with each of these individually as part of the bigger issue. Just remember that you have to deal with ALL of the issues that fall un
Step #2 Brainstorm.
This is where you get to be creative. Both of you come up with ideas to help alleviate the problem. This is not a time to criticize each other and you have to respect each other’s thoughts and opinions. Don’t take this as an opportunity to attack your partner or undermine their suggestions. Everyone is on equal ground here and both of you have to treat each other as such regardless of what the problem is.
Step #3 Agreement and Compromise.
In this step, you are essentially coming up with a trial solution because you don’t know for sure what will work until you put it in effect. However, you should aim for the best possible solution from the start. Both parties might have to compromise and eventually both of you should agree on the best plan and implement it as soon as possible.
Step #4 Follow up on trial.
It is important to realize that things change and you can’t always predict the outcome of your solution. This is why it is necessary to follow up on the trial solution. Ask your partner how it has been working out for them; is it a good enough solution? Is there anything else that can be done to make the solution better?
You have to ensure that the solution is a working one. Check back and see if it covers the two criteria for a good solution. If your solution creates new problems, you need to revise it and possibly start over completely. Don’t be afraid to try new things, these solutions you come up with are not set in stone but do make an effort to see them through after you have both agreed to them.
Jess Alexander
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