How To Break Up From An Unhappy Relationship When She Won't Let You Leave
http://www.relationadvice.com/articles/6474/1/How-To-Break-Up-From-An-Unhappy-Relationship-When-She-Wont-Let-You-Leave/Page1.html
Michael Freeman, M.A.
Michael Freeman, M.A., helps men get UNSTUCK from unhealthy relationships. For access to a manual on unhealthy relationships, go to http://how-to-finally-leave-her.com By Michael Freeman, M.A.
Published on 07/23/2009
The typical "How to Break-Up" advice goes like this:
• Be sensitive to their pain
• Shift the reasons towards you instead of blaming them
• Do it in person, and not by texting or email
• Communicate from the heart and then give them space
However, if you're on the internet looking for advice about how to break-up, the above tips are probably NOT helpful
The typical "How to Break-Up" advice goes like this:
• Be sensitive to their pain
• Shift the reasons towards you instead of blaming them
• Do it in person, and not by texting or email
• Communicate from the heart and then give them space
However, if you're on the internet looking for advice about how to break-up, the above tips are probably NOT helpful.
In other words, you're probably a sensitive person who would never dream of doing it through text, for example -- you're just looking for ways to reduce the pain for partner. Maybe your partner is dependent on you, or has no idea that you have doubts about the relationship, and you're scared of his or her reaction.
You're probably feeling tremendous guilt: You never wanted to hurt anybody, and you feel that this could devastate your partner.
The best break-up advice I can give you right now is this: You have permission to go. A relationship is a choice. You can break up with anyone at anytime, and for any reason. It doesn't matter if you've been together 10 days or 10 years -- there's always the possibility that one partner will choose a different path.
Unfortunately, heartbreak is part of life, and your partner signed-up for this possibility when he or she pursued a relationship with you. Also remember that -- despite how much your partner loves you -- he or she probably wouldn't want to be with you if they truly knew that you didn't wish to be with them. And if they really love you, they'll want the best for you.
Breaking up isn't easy. As men, we often sit on the fence about the decision. It's important to get out of that state of indecision as soon as possible and take action -- either commit to staying, or commit to breaking up.
Even when we are certain about wanting to break-up, we like to put it off: Afterall, her sister's wedding is coming up, and then there's the high school reunion, and you can't do it just 2 weeks before her birthday, right...?
Don't use bad timing as an excuse: There's NEVER an ideal time. There will always be a birthday, an anniversary, or a holiday on the horizon. Yes, you may seem like a jerk if you try to break-up on Valentine's Day, but if the desire to leave the relationship hits you and you give yourself plenty of time to determine it's the right choice, you have to let her know ASAP.
Obviously, you want to be sensitive and respectful: I'm not telling you to give her the news moments after her cancer diagnosis or at her mom's funeral. Unless the relationship is extremely unhealthy (i.e., she is physically or emotionally abusive), you can delay having "the talk" for just a bit, but not weeks or months!
Remember, there's only one thing worse than having to fake your feelings for someone: Finding out that someone was faking their feelings for you. In other words, if you wait, she will realize that you've felt this way for a while, and it will be even more hurtful for her.
Don't do that to her -- let her know ASAP, so you both can get on with your lives.
• Be sensitive to their pain
• Shift the reasons towards you instead of blaming them
• Do it in person, and not by texting or email
• Communicate from the heart and then give them space
However, if you're on the internet looking for advice about how to break-up, the above tips are probably NOT helpful.
In other words, you're probably a sensitive person who would never dream of doing it through text, for example -- you're just looking for ways to reduce the pain for partner. Maybe your partner is dependent on you, or has no idea that you have doubts about the relationship, and you're scared of his or her reaction.
You're probably feeling tremendous guilt: You never wanted to hurt anybody, and you feel that this could devastate your partner.
The best break-up advice I can give you right now is this: You have permission to go. A relationship is a choice. You can break up with anyone at anytime, and for any reason. It doesn't matter if you've been together 10 days or 10 years -- there's always the possibility that one partner will choose a different path.
Unfortunately, heartbreak is part of life, and your partner signed-up for this possibility when he or she pursued a relationship with you. Also remember that -- despite how much your partner loves you -- he or she probably wouldn't want to be with you if they truly knew that you didn't wish to be with them. And if they really love you, they'll want the best for you.
Breaking up isn't easy. As men, we often sit on the fence about the decision. It's important to get out of that state of indecision as soon as possible and take action -- either commit to staying, or commit to breaking up.
Even when we are certain about wanting to break-up, we like to put it off: Afterall, her sister's wedding is coming up, and then there's the high school reunion, and you can't do it just 2 weeks before her birthday, right...?
Don't use bad timing as an excuse: There's NEVER an ideal time. There will always be a birthday, an anniversary, or a holiday on the horizon. Yes, you may seem like a jerk if you try to break-up on Valentine's Day, but if the desire to leave the relationship hits you and you give yourself plenty of time to determine it's the right choice, you have to let her know ASAP.
Obviously, you want to be sensitive and respectful: I'm not telling you to give her the news moments after her cancer diagnosis or at her mom's funeral. Unless the relationship is extremely unhealthy (i.e., she is physically or emotionally abusive), you can delay having "the talk" for just a bit, but not weeks or months!
Remember, there's only one thing worse than having to fake your feelings for someone: Finding out that someone was faking their feelings for you. In other words, if you wait, she will realize that you've felt this way for a while, and it will be even more hurtful for her.
Don't do that to her -- let her know ASAP, so you both can get on with your lives.