A friend of mine once broke up with his girlfriend by text message. It was a low down, worthless thing to do, and instead of giving him the hi-fives he had expected, I just gave him a tongue lashing and told him to grow up. Seriously, what is it about confrontations that turns guys into five year olds? I’ve seen a number of good guys suddenly tuck their tails between their legs and act like children when it came to ending a relationship. Something about doing it the right way just makes them feel panicked. So, if you want to be a gentleman, no, if you want to simply be a man about a break up, do the following, and leave text messaging to immature idiots.

First off, do it face to face. Do not, do not do it over the phone, IM, text, through a friend, via a handwritten letter or song played on the radio. This is the most important, cardinal rule if ever there was one. If you can’t tell her to her face that you want to end it, than that shows her that you are ashamed of your decision, embarrassed and immature. It makes you look weak willed and a coward, since you can’t tough it up and give her such important news to her face.

Second, tell her straight without coming up with a million excuses. If you start trying to justify yourself by playing lawyer and telling her a thousand different reasons why it’s over, you’ll just be getting into an argument, since no doubt her version of each complaint will be vastly different than your take. Of course, if you’re breaking up with her for one huge reason, like she slept with your best friend, then tell it. But if you’ve got thirty little excuses, skip them all.

Which means telling her simply that the relationship isn’t working for you any more, that the love is gone, the romance is dead, and that while you still respect her and love her, you’re no longer in love, and want to end it. She’ll ask you why. Realize this: if she doesn’t want to break up with you as well, no reason you give will satisfy. There is no correct answer to the ‘why’ question, because ultimately it boils down to this: she’s not good enough for you anymore. She doesn’t satisfy your needs, and you want to look for somebody new. And any attempt on your part to beat around the bush and make her feel better about that is only going to make things messier and harder.

Finally, don’t break up with her in your own home. Break up with her either somewhere public or at her place. This is the most strategic decision, because if things get ugly and she refuses to accept your position, you can always just leave. If she’s in your house, and she doesn’t take it well? You’ve got nowhere to go. Not that you should drop the bomb and run away, but rather, if you sense that the conversation has started to go round in circles and become unproductive, than sometimes you need to just cut it short and leave.

So there you go. If you’re going to break up with somebody, show some basic respect and do it to their face. Don’t make excuses or lie. Just tell her straight up that it’s over, and if it doesn’t go well after your sincere attempts to make her understand, leave. Remember, there’s nothing you can do to ameliorate the pain of telling somebody who wants you that you no longer want them. So don’t make it worse by pretending it’s anything but a break up.