Does the following describe you?

As you slump down into your easy chair or get into bed each evening, your thoughts immediately turn to your ex-girlfriend. In fact, whenever you find yourself having a spare moment to think, she immediately pops into your thoughts.

Things are a bit different during the day when you are more busy, of course. When your thoughts are occupied, such as when working, exercising at the gym, or talking with friends or co-workers, she may hardly ever pop into your mind.

That's why you dread those quiet times, when self-reflection is almost impossible to avoid. It is at those times that she invades your thoughts.

If this describes you, it is clear that you still have some work to do in order to either try to get over your ex-girlfriend or to try to get her back into your life.

On Your Mind: Why You Still Think of Her

It is a well-known fact among people who study the human mind that each of us has a sub-conscious mind. This is the part of our mental selves that bubbles just below the surface, waiting to peek its head out at any moment and wave to get our attention.

Usually, the sub-conscious mind does not bug us too much, especially when we are actively engaged in the business of getting through our day. When our mind is working hard, the sub-conscious keeps its distance. But, there are always times of the day, evening or night when the business of the day fades away and we are left alone with our thoughts. It is at those moments that the things that matter most to us bubble up to the surface.

If, in your case, what bubbles up are thoughts and feelings about your ex-girlfriend, you can be assured that you are not over her yet.

How to Decide Your Next Move

If you are constantly thinking to yourself, "I can't get over my ex-girlfriend," here are some tips on how to turn things around.

First, you need to decide if you are going to fish or cut bait. What does this mean? It means: you need to decide once and for all whether you need to just get over her or to make a concerted, committed effort to get her back. It is not the fact that you miss her like mad that is driving you nuts, it is that you are tormented about whether you should take action on your feelings or just decide to let her go.

Three Questions to Ask Yourself

While only you can decide for sure what you should do, your decision should be guided by your answers to these three questions:

1. Despite the problems that led to your breakup, do you believe that you had a more or less healthy relationship with your ex-girlfriend when you were together?

2. Do you believe that she loved you about as much as you loved her?

3. Does it just feel right in your heart that the two of you should still be together today?

If you answered yes to all three of these questions, it may be worth trying to get her back into your life. If you decide that is what you should do, you owe it to yourself (and to her) to educate yourself about what has worked for other people in your situation. Then, go after what you want. Success may be easier to achieve than you think.